Helpende Hand

'n Weldoener kom op 'n jongman af wat in aller yl besig is om hooi terug te gooi op die wa nadat dit afgeval het.

"Jy lyk uitgeput. Hoekom vat jy nie 'n ruskansie nie?" sê die man "Dan help ek jou."

"Nee dankie" sê die seun "My pa sal nie daarvan hou nie."

"Moenie laf wees nie - enigeen is geregtig op 'n ruskansie!" "Kom vat 'n slukkie water"

Weereens weier die jongman omdat sy pa hom sal kwalik neem.
Die weldoener vervies hom en sê "jou pa moet 'n regte slawedrywer wees. Waar is hy sodat ek hom kan vertel wat ek van hom dink!"

"Wel," antwoord die jongman "Hy is onder die hooi!"

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Gatiep en Maraai

One morning while making breakfast, Gatiep walked up to Maraai and klapped her on her boud and said, "Ek se, ou Dikkes, if you firmed this up we could get rid of your girdle,ne?"

She just gave him the evil eye and replied with silence. The next morning Gatiep woke Maraai with a pinch on the breast and said, "Dolly Parton, if you firmed these up we could get rid of your bra, ne?"

This was beyond a silent response, so she rolled over and grabbed him by his manhood. With a death grip in place she said, "Jy weet ou Slappes, if you firmed this up we could get rid of the postman, the gardener, your neighbour, the plumber, the pool man en jou broer, ne......!"

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Chairman needs a new chair

This happened on the 22th October 2008

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Bek-Rek! ‘n Nuwe vorm van Afrikaanse Komedie!!!

Die tyd het aan gebreek vir nuwe form van vermaak! Bek-Rek! is
Suid-Afrika se eerste Komedie groep wat spesialiseer in die Afrikaanse
form van Standup.

Bek-Rek! is ‘n ongeregistreerde organisasie sonder winsbejag wat
beoog om Afrikaanse komediespel in Kaapstad te ontwikkel en bevorder.
In 2008 het Brent Niemandt gesien dat daar ‘n behoete aan Afrikaanse
Komedie is. Hy het weeklikse werkswinkels georganiseer om sodoende
opkomende komediante ‘n kans te gee om hul material te ontwikkel!

Die groep praat met geesdrif oor die rol van komedie in die land:

“Die Afrikaanse musiekbedryf het die afgelope paar jaar baie groot
geword. Dit het die deur vir ander vorme van vermaak oopgemaak,
byvoorbeeld komedie.”

“Ons lewe in moelike tye, en ons land benodig iets om ons kwale te
laat vergeet, en daar is niks lekkerder as om jou kwale weg te lag nie.”

“Met dit in gedagte, dink ons dat daar ‘n mark is vir ons Afrikaanssprekendes om so ‘n bietjie in ons eie taal te lag!”

Tans bestaan Bek-Rek! uit a groep van 4 Komediante, 1 Komediese Kulkunstenaar en 2 opkomende Komediante!

Brent Niemandt – Met sy onnutsige verbeelding, groot mond en
“tipiese kerel” persoonlikheid, kry hy nuwe aanhangers by elke
opvoering.

Piet Potgieter – Die Boer, wat as ‘n Dominee geswot het, as ‘n Barman gewerk het, sal jou laat skater van die lag!

Jaak Erasmus –  ‘n Prontuit Komediant, wat jou mening van sport en verhoudings heeltemal sal laat verander.

Dugald Pieterse – Wenner van die SBA/SON Kaapse Jokes Kompetisie. By
Elke opvoering het sy stories van alledaagse lewe in Bredaarsdorp
verseker dat hy ‘n gunstelling by die gehoor is.

Regardt Laubscher – ‘n Komiese Kulkunstenaar wat jou sal betower met sy oorspronklikheid!

Hulle tree op ‘n gereelde basis by verskillende teaters in die Kaap
Provinsie op, met onlangse optredes  by die Durbanville Kunskafee, Die
Plaas Teater in Brackenfell en die Aan de Braak Teater in
Stellenbosch.  En daar word ook beplan om by toekomstige vertonings
komediante van Johannesburg te nooi om op te tree as gaskunstenaars!

Berei jouself voor vir ‘n Komediebredie met ons vars-uit-die-oond
Afrikaanse Komediante. Hulle gaan gek skeer, gehore laat skater en
trane sal loop van die lag!

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Gatiep n karools

Gatiep and Karools are sitting on death row. Gatiep says to the Warder, does this take long and is it painful? Warder says “No they just strap you in and flick the switch and its over“. Karools is called in, moments later Gatiep hears screaming and shouting, this carries on for quite a while. Gatiep says to the Warder “I thought you said it was quick and painless“. Warder replies that as result of the load shedding they have to use candles.

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Gatiep se nuwe Robot

Gatiep was a salesman’s delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmicks. His wife Maraai had long ago given up trying to get him to change. One day Gatiep came home with another one of his unusual purchases. It was a robot that Gatiep claimed was actually a lie detector.

It was about 5:30 that afternoon when Gatiepie, their 11 year old son, returned home from school. Gatiepie was over 2 hours late. Where have you been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting home from school? asked Gatiep.Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project, said Gatiepie.

The robot then walked around the table and slapped Gatiepie, knocking him completely out of his chair.

Son, said Gatiep, this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you really were after school.

We went to Boebie’s house and watched a movie. said Gatiepie.

What did you watch? asked Maraai.

The Ten Commandments. answered Gatiepie.

The robot went around to Gatiepie and once again slapped him, knocking him off his chair once more.

With his lip quivering, Gatiepie got up, sat down and said, I am sorry I lied. We really watched a tape called The Sex Queen.

I am ashamed of you son, said Gatiep. When I was your age, I never lied to my parents.

The robot then walked around to Gatiep and delivered a whack that nearly knocked him senseless.

Maraai doubled over in laughter, almost in tears and said, Boy, did you ever ask for that one! You can’t be too mad with Gatiepie. After all, he is your son!

With that the robot walked around to Maraai and slapped her unconscious!!

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Mommy long legs

A little girl was playing in the garden when she spotted two Spiders pomping. “Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?” she asked. “They’re mating,” her father replied. “What do you call the spider on top, Daddy?” she asked.

“That’s a daddy longlegs.” her father answered. “So, the other one is a mommy longlegs?” the little girl asked. “No,” her father replied.

“Both of them are daddy longlegs.” The little girl thought for a moment, then lifted her foot and flattened the two spiders saying,

“We’ll have none of THAT moffie-kak in our garden.”

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Gatiep se Krewe

Die polisie vang Gatiep een aand met 4 krewe.Meneer, het jy n lisensie om die krewe te vang?! Nee se Gatiep, is my troetel diertjies. Ek bring hulle elke aand uit om a bietjie te swem.Na n rukkie dan fluit ek dan kom hulle na me toe en dan stap ons huis toe.

Polisie: “Maar jy lieg mos nou meneer!!” Gatiep: “Nee meneer!! Kom ek wys jou dan!?”

Gatiep sit die krewe in die water en da gan die krewe… Na n rukkie vra die polisieman, “Wanne gan jy vir hulle fluit?"

Gatiep: Vir wie fluit?

Polisie: Vir die krewe!!

Gatiep: Watte krewe?!!

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Gatiep Gat Ophou Drink

Gatiep sit gesuip langs Maraai se graf en tjank. Lekker dronk verdrietig:
Meraai as jy net terugkom hou ek op drink!” n’ Mol is besig om ‘n hopie op te stoot.
Gatiep spring die hopie plat: Jislaaik Meraai, kan jy nie ‘n grap vattie!?”

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Meraai’s Favorite Flower

While attending a marriage seminar on communication, Gatiep and his wife, Meraai listened to the instructor declare:
It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other. For instance, gentlemen, can you name your wife’s favourite flower? Gatiep leaned over, touched his wife’s arm gently and whispered, Self-Raising, nuh?!!

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